Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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