Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
