What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
