Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
