I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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