how can u be prego again
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
