i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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