I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
try to milk me bitch
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