evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
