connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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