Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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