Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
