I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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