Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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