if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
