At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
