she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
