Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize