I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
