were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
