i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
