Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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