apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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