the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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