so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
