no, he came in my armpit
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
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today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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