Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
