So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I pour the whiskey from now on
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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