ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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