DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
