not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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