Don't make out with my wife yet
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize