Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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