I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
His hands were made for my vagina.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
