now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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