listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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