I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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