Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
