the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
