He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
