he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
