East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
