Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
