How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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