I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
