babies were throwing up all over the place
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
