You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
