I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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