If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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