Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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