Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
