I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize