I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
