Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
