I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The best revenge is premature balding
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So much Jack, so little girl.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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