Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
