Don't make out with my wife yet
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
