i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
