i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am one with the molecules
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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