the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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