There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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