the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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