Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
