you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
