Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
