What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
