I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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