Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
