i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
