I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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