1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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