Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
