When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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