is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
