Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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