Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
