just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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